8/13/13

Taking action.

I've made a lot of bold moves lately. I've retired from acting, I'm seeking new literary representation, and I've declared myself and my goals publicly. After spending so much time waiting, I decided to take charge and really be true to myself, to make plans about my future instead of always waiting and reacting. Sometimes it is necessary to react, to take a job to pay the bills, to work on projects that will take care of immediate needs, to deal with the here and now as it comes barreling toward you. Reacting is not a bad thing, and I have had to roll with the punches a lot this year, and am grateful that I know how. But when at last, there is a moment to reflect and catch one's breath, when there is space enough to be able to sit and think and not hustle, I think it is important to ask, what is it I really want? And how can I get it while still taking care of my family and responsibilities?

Until recently I have had not had time to ask and answer this question, and after so much time spent focused on just taking care of the immediate future, I wasn't sure that I knew how to ask. But now I am asking again, and I am taking my time in figuring out how I am going to make it happen, in the way that I want it to. And all of that is just details and planning, and some luck, and lots of hard work. But at the center of it all, is one thing. What is I want to be doing? Writing. More writing. Less worrying. More creating and less time spent worrying about the outcome. More time spent with my beloved family, more joy in what I have, less judgement in what I don't. More pride in my current accomplishments, less shame about those I am still trying to achieve. Keep moving forward. It's a good life and it's my life and I can't waste it waiting and worrying. I can only keep doing. That's really the best advice I can give myself. And so I am...doing...just that.

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