As I had written earlier, this week is all over the map, and as a result, well, so is my blog. I am trying to just go with the flow. This has always been a big lesson of mine to learn, to not be so rigid, to be flexible, to somehow have greater acceptance for the lack of scheduling and normalcy that my life as an artist holds. As a reformed compulsive list maker, I used to make copious to-do lists and schedule everything. I would tell people that it was the only way that I would get things done, but the truth of the matter is, that it was the only way that I would be able to relax about the fact that my life didn't run on a 9-5 (well, 7-8 now) day like everyone else. Although I had been an artist my whole life, I craved what I thought that everybody but me had...structure.
Over time I have learned to make that structure for myself out of unstructured days that have no time card to punch, no insistence of schedule, no punishment for straying from the plan. I still have my lists, but they are looser. Walk the dogs, exercise, write, e-mail, cook, write some more. And when I am doing freelance work or auditioning, these things get added to the mix. I no longer have to write or work out at a certain time to feel like I am accomplishing what I need to get done, I just have to get it done at some point during the day, and it seems to work.
However, the only thing that really trips me up is being away from my computer, and lately as we have had house guests, that has been happening quite a lot, and I realized that I have a very hard time writing any other way than on a laptop at my desk. What happened to all those journals and notepads that I used to carry around and spill my thoughts into? What happened to writing with a pen? When did my brain only learn to communicate my thoughts to a keyboard?
Yesterday, I decided that I needed to break this habit and once again practice being flexible. And so after a tour of the Getty's grounds and a lovely lunch outside, I stayed behind as our friends went to look at the paintings inside and wrote...on a notepad...and it was hard. I liken it to old school calisthenics, no fancy weight machines for my brain, it just had to drop and give me 25o...words...at a time. I managed to eek out two pages in an hour and a half. Two hand written pages, so probably more like a page typed, and today I will see if I can even read my handwriting. My brain has gotten used to my faster typing hands, and it has a hard time with my clumsy messy handwriting. Hopefully some of it will be legible, and I will once again start to carry a notepad around with me, so that I can work anytime... anywhere.
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3 comments:
I wish I was there with you guys...eating, drinking and having one of our great long chats! Alas...
i've a lot of trouble writing "work" without my laptop - which is weird bc i journal every morning. i think it's because i learned to write everything on a computer growing up....
Gina I can so relate. I have to have my computer to write. Sometimes I do write down notes, or ideas, or use a pen to "plan" but my writing brain these days needs my computer to type away! For me, if I'm handwriting my writing all I can think about is the time it is going to take to type it later-precious time I just don't have :)
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