8/27/08

New Novel Nightmares...

Day 2 of the new novel, yesterday was filled with chores, and deadlines. Yesterday although exhausting was much easier than today. Today as I sit and stare at the page, I wonder what is louder...the incessant drone of the lawnmower outside my window or the static in my brain. I have one page of prose and one page of notes and a whole book full of worries and angst and anguish over what I am writing, and if in fact I am actually writing anything at all?! Maybe I am just playing writer...tappety tap tap on my keyboard, "somewhere in the distance a fishmonger cries..." thank-you Barton Fink.

Inevitably I have already scanned the UCLA catalogue for a course I can take that will be aimed at those who have already written a book and have completely forgotten how they ever did such a thing. Alas no such luck. My friend and mentor the amazing Caroline Leavitt, has assured me many times that this is normal...that one forgets and has to start all over and that each time is just as wonderful and terrible as the first, which coming from such a great writer is actually reassuring. She says that I have to just plunge ahead...but into what? Darkness? Murky waters? A great abyss? The answer of course is that I do not know. But what I do know, is that not knowing is actually more painful than trying to find out.

So back to the keyboard I go.

2 comments:

katie boland said...

keep chugging away, beautiful!
it's the process that makes it so fun!
HAVE CONFIDENCE, YOU ARE SO TALENTED.
oh and think positive, like visual...it's kind of lame but i always find it helpful!
ahahah

Sorell Says... said...

Thanks Katie!! I am picturing this novel...but then that makes me dreamy and sleepy...and zzzz. Must keep practicing dreaming while I am awake...and typing :)

 
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