I am a planner and a worker and self motivating girl and I set goals for myself and like things to be defined and know where I am going...all this to say that clearly, I am a wee bit of a type A personality who likes to be in control of my life. So the fact that I am an artist who makes a career of acting and writing where so much is beyond my control is ironic to say the least. What I have been trying to learn is that all that I can do is my best. Sounds easy, hard to live by. Just doing my best and letting the rest be given to me, has been my mantra for a long time now, but of course like any sensible wisdom it sometimes leaves me, to make room for angsting, worrying and general scheming over how to control those things that I really can not. And then exhausted from a futile fight, my little mantra, reappears in my head and I take a deep breath, and think, right of course, all I can do is my best.
About a month ago a friend of mine gave me a really powerful bit of advice, she suggested that I take my heart out of acting and that I not turn my writing into a punishment.
I knew exactly what she meant. Not to love any of them any less, and not to work any less, but to stop letting either of these things break my heart and become poisons rather than passions. She was saying to keep it in perspective, let it breathe and not smother it, and she was right.
I have to just do what I do, the best I can and just give it up to fate, the universe, whatever ...and move on.
And I have been trying... and it has been working. Writing inspiration is returning and new ideas are brewing and on Tuesday I will be filming an episode of CSI Miami. The best part of course is that I am enjoying all of it...and my heart is still in tact.